The Road to Redemption
by strange1
Summary: Sequel to 'Willow and Tara Through the Dark Years'. Willow has done some horrible things. Now the powers that be are sending her on a mission to find all the potential slayers. That means Willow and Tara will be apart. Can they find their love once again? sadly not complete and most likely won't be...sorry
1. Chapter 1

AN-This is a sequel to my story 'Willow and Tara through the Dark Years'. It begins pretty much where the last story left off. For those that haven't read the prequel Willow was a naughty girl that even Tara's love could not change at least not until it was almost too late. Now the Powers that Be have Willow going across the globe to find potential slayers to help fight the newest big bad. Hope you enjoy!

Tara was tucked away in bed. Willow was sure to have landed in England by now. It must be so exciting to get to study with an authentic coven not the kind that they had met in college. Part of her was jealous that her girl was going to get to meet practicing wiccans and to travel around the world. But the burden that she now carried around was something that the blond would not wish on her worst enemy.

Time had flown by while she was in the hospital. Part of that was because she kept anticipating the visit of Willow. Of course part of her had been terrified at the thought of facing the one that tried to kill her. But that was a different Willow at that time. Already the darker magics had begun to sink into her and take her over. It had not yet gotten to the point of no return. How Tara had played those days over and over in her head trying to come up with a better way of having dealt with it.

Of course she knew that usually things work out the way that they are supposed to. That was no comfort seeing just how badly Willow had hurt her friends. Worse, she had actually taken three lives along the way. Warren had never been a great guy but he had not done anything unforgiveable. The same went for Amy. She was just a jealous person that had blamed all her problems on Willow. Then there was Rack. Only a mother could weep for such a man. Still, it was not right how Willow had taken their lives or for what reason.

It came down now to sorting out how she really felt. True she had told Willow that she would always love her. There was no denying that fact. And she had told her she would be waiting for her return so that they could learn who each was all over again. But now that she had faced her girl and was now having to reflect on both their lives she was not as certain as she had once been.

That was hard to admit to herself. It was even harder to try and put it in words. That was what she was doing at the moment as she tried to relax in bed. Though it was well into the afternoon, she spent a majority of her days in bed as she tried to recover from all that she had been through. The physical damage that Willow had inflicted was almost healed. It was the lasting effects from the magics that she really had to try and mend.

Physical damage is nothing for the most part. Given enough time and a person can recover from nearly any injury. Maybe not to the fullest but people can recover and live productive lives. When it came to the mental aspects of life people were not always so lucky. When things were overly traumatic it could take years even decades for a person to recover. Tara was not sure that it would take decades but it would be months to even years for her to recover.

Magic always has comes at a price. That's why it is not something for the naïve or for those that had little to no training. She and Willow both had some training but it had never been formal for her girl. Most of what Willow had learned had come from research. Giles had known some things but only to help his slayer out. While Tara had some training from her grandmother and her mother again it was not enough to go dabbling in the darkest of magics.

All these thoughts were going through her head as she was trying to sit down and write an e-mail. It would be the first communication between her and her girl since she had left. With the conflicting thoughts going through her head how was she to say what she really felt. Perhaps she should wait to write anything of meaning to her girl. That was not right either.

Tara groaned a bit as her head began aching. Too many deep and meaningful thoughts were swirling around her head. Just at that moment Buffy knocked on her door. "Sorry don't mean to interrupt you while you're resting but I couldn't help but overhear the groan. Darn my slayer hearing." Buffy had hoped that the attempt at humor would break the ice.

The blond witch did smile a bit at her friend's forced joke. "You're not interrupting at all. In fact, you could be saving me from my thoughts." Tara sighed before she went on. "It's just so many thoughts going through my head. I'm trying to write an e-mail to Willow but I'm not sure what to say anymore." At Buffy's surprised look she continued. "I love her still but what do you say to someone that tried to kill you?"

Buffy only smiled at the thought. "Well, that was what happened between Angel and me." At Tara's deflated look the slayer quickly continued. "But there was more to it than that. Angel is destined to live a cursed life without a moment of true happiness. And as much as I love him and always will, neither of us wanted to tempt fate. Just one moment of weakness and the most evil thing would be unleashed upon the earth once again."

Tara nodded in understanding. "It's not exactly the same. But I am worried a bit. I mean, why did she lose control? I think it all started when she went after Glory because of me." She turned away not wanting to see the look on Buffy's face. "She dove into the darkest of magics to exact revenge against Her. And the spell that she had to do to make me whole once again also crossed over to the darker side of magics. So what if something like that happens again?"

The slayer came closer and took Tara's hand in her own forcing the witch to look at her once again. "You aren't to blame for any of this. I know you were closer to Willow than anyone but none of us saw what she was going through or what she was capable of. Granted I was still learning to live again, but still. And only Willow can't make amends for what she has done in the past and learn what went wrong and learn not to do those things again. I know, easier said than done."

"True." Tara had a sad smile on her face. "I think I know what I want to say now. Thanks for both listening to me and being there for me. I might need your shoulder to lean on as the days go by." She got the laptop that had been sitting by her and opened it up. "I can see why Willow has always been grateful for your friendship. So am I."

"Anytime." The slayer watched Tara as she was typing just for a moment. Lives here on the Hellmouth would never be easy. When two witches were involved it had to be even more difficult. Luckily they would have each other and they would have the Scooby gang to support them. Her slayer instincts were tingling and she knew that something was coming and not just the usual badness.

()()()()()()(

Willow was at the airport waiting for Giles to pick her up. She had been in England for nearly an hour now. Customs had been something else but that was not the reason it had been so long since she had been there. She had never let Giles know the exact time her plane was due. It was just another way of delaying what was to come.

She had panicked at the airport. Xander had practically had to shove her through security. More than one guard had noticed. They were both lucky that no one had come over to see what the little tussle was all about. Finally she had made it on to the plane. As soon as the plane had taken off, she had wanted to attempt to hijack it so that she could stay in the states.

But that was silly of her. What she had to face was going to be difficult and it was going to take forever but it was actually an easy sentence compared to what she could be facing. If the world knew that she had taken the lives of three people she would be in jail if not waiting to be put to death. With all the things going through her head that last thing would have been the easiest thing. It would have been terrifying but it would have been easy to get things over with so that she did not have to face anyone.

That was the weak side of her talking. That was not the person that Tara had fallen in love with doing the thinking. True Willow would never be considered the bravest person in the world; she was not a coward either. If Tara was to remain in her life she would be able to get through anything that life would throw at her.

And there was another thought. Was she being selfish to keep putting Tara through all of this? Dealing with her dark side, her addiction, and the memories of what she had done were not the worst things to happen to her. Her thoughts kept going to what if? What if Tara was better off with someone else? What if Tara would be dragged down if she continued to stand by her? What if she was the ruin of the blond in the end?

Willow shook her head as she made it from the baggage claim to the pickup area. The weather was cooler than she was used to. There was even the smell of snow; at least she thought it was snow, in the air. Though she was only supposed to be in England for a month or two this was going to be a huge adjustment. That was just the weather that was not counting the rigors of learning to control the magic that was now a part of her.

Giles beeped his horn and got the redheads attention. He got out of his car and helped her load up what little luggage she was traveling with. She had figured that she was going to be all over the world so she had better travel somewhat light. "I wish you had called sooner. Althenea was the one that told me you had arrived. That was not the way I would have preferred to find out."

"Sorry, Giles." Willow sat with her hands in her lap. It was just another empty apology that she had to make. There were a long line of apologies as of late. "I think I just needed some time to adjust to a new country. Plus, there is a lot going through my head. I'm trying to take everything in. And I'm trying to prepare myself the best I can for what lies ahead."

The watcher was no fool. He had known Willow for too long now for him to believe that was what was really going on. "You'll pardon me if I overstep but I think you are not being totally honest with me." He could tell that he had something true because she began to fidget. "The Powers that be chose you for whatever reason. Of that you should be grateful. But I can only imagine what you are going through and will go through." He paused for a moment. "And I know how much you are worried about losing Tara."

Those last words made Willow turn her head to stare a moment at the older man. Deep down she had long ago accepted that Giles was more of a father than her own was. He had been there for her through some of the toughest years. Had he not gone back to England after Buffy's death perhaps things had gone down differently. At that thought, Willow turned back around a bit red faced. She had no one to blame for what had happened but herself. "I do worry about Tara. I mean, I tried to kill her. Not just once but several times. How does someone get over that?"

Giles kept his gaze steady out the windshield. "I know a little of what you are going through. You children have only had a small glimpse into my, shall we say rebellious past. I never actually tried to kill anyone but because of my actions they were both mentally and physically hurt. I was unlucky that this particular person chose not to forgive me. But Tara has a kind heart. She also knows just how strong the pull of magics can be. She is a good person and she will not abandon you that easy. Now, to change the subject a bit. You will start your classes tomorrow morning."

"Thanks, Giles." Willow began staring off into space. His words helped some but they were of little comfort when you really didn't know what was going to happen in your life, not that anyone can predict the future. It's just when you know you have the constant support of someone in your life it makes going through things that much easier.

The witch was so into her own thoughts that she had not realized they had arrived at Giles' house. He had a small one room cottage in the back of his place that she was to have to herself. It took her no time to setup the little place and make little touches that were her own. Of course the first thing she did was to setup her laptop and to check her e-mail. Her heart skipped a beat when she saw the one from Tara.

'My Darling Willow:

These words don't come easy. I'm sure you too will have trouble always saying what you are truly feeling. I just want to remind you of something. It's what keeps me going every day. There was a time when I too was untruthful to you. It was something I was embarrassed by and had hoped to find a cure for when I discovered there was no need. But before I found out there was no need, you stood by me and fought for me. You and the rest of the Scoobies accepted me as family. That's what we are and that's what we will always be. You don't just turn your back on your family when they do something wrong. So like how you were always there for me I will always be there for you. I hope these words send you comfort. Know I mean every word from the bottom of my heart.

Your Loving Tara'


	2. Chapter 2

AN-Thanks to all that read and especially review (my sweet CS for one and Boris for another). Hope I can keep everyone's interest.

Tara sat staring at her computer screen. She had sent the e-mail a few days ago and was having not exactly second thoughts but reservations about what she had said. As much as she loved Willow and wanted to one day get back with her there were still the issues that terrified her. If her girl could so lose control of herself that she could kill three people and hurt countless others including herself there had to be a residual effect.

No one could taste blood and not be changed. Buffy had told her the story about when Faith had first come to town. The raven haired slayer had been a free spirit not wanting to follow the rules. Part of that came from her background but it also came from the fact that her watcher had been mutilated in front of her and all she could do was stand by and watch. That was how she had ended up in Sunnydale running for her life. Then the worst thing possible happened. One night on patrol the soon to be rogue slayer accidentally killed the mayor's aide.

Faith really never got over that. In fact she had shown up in L.A. looking for Angel for revenge. In the end she had turned herself in and was last seen spending her remaining days in jail. Tara had been in contact with Giles and he was wondering if they could not somehow get her to help with what was coming. How anyone that had done what she had done could be trusted again was beyond her.

And that brought her back to the very conflict she was having now. True love could do a lot she knew. It had been written in many fairy tales over the years. But this was life, albeit a life that sometimes felt like it was in a fairy tale. Real life was different from what you saw on television or in the movies. Tara could not afford to have her heart broken once again.

That was one thing that was haunting the young woman. She had never had the time to grieve for what she had lost when Willow had gone rogue on her. In almost an instant her girl had gone from her lover and partner to the worst enemy that any of the Scoobies had ever known. All the time she had to be on her guard so that Willow could not penetrate her thoughts. All the time she had to watch what she said to the slayer and the rest of the gang for fear of what they knew might put them in a greater risk for harm.

It was a lot for any person to go through but someone that was weakened from the battle was another thing. Tara had not let anyone know what the doctors had said. It was hard to explain what was going on since it dealt with the mystical side of life. Magic was hard enough to explain away when people knew of its existence let alone those that would think you insane for knowing the truth.

The news had both shocked her and had made total sense. It was not just a concussion that would not heal properly. All the symptoms made sense. In her fight with Willow Tara had been poisoned by the dark magics. It had not been Willow's intention at that point necessarily to kill her but to weaken her. But because of all the stress and all the magic she had already been using over the past few months to counteract what Willow was doing it made sense that her body was now on overload.

Her mother had once told her a tale when she was only six years old. Of course her mother had made it sound like a fairy tale instead of something that really happened. As she got older, Tara had researched the story that her mother had told. Once upon a time there had been two sisters. They had been part of a small but powerful coven. They had both been in charge equally over the coven for years until one day they disagreed on a spell. The older wiser sister had insisted that it was too dark. The young sister had wanted to show that she could do anything her sister could do and more.

The debate had gone on, not just between the sisters but the rest of the coven, for years. Finally the young sister and a handful of followers broke free and started their own coven. It took them only months to get the strength and the supplies needed to perform the spell. It was the biggest mistake that any witch had ever made. Not only did the small coven and younger sister die from being poisoned by the dark magics the other coven and the older sister became very ill trying to fight the effects of the dark magics.

Luckily the older sister's entire coven was spared and made almost a full recovery. It happened early in the fifteen hundreds and had been handed down to each generation as a warning of just how powerful any magics can be. Tara had forgotten the tale until she had begun researching her symptoms. There was no known cure for what ailed her. She was hoping that with time and with rest she would be able to fully recover.

Willow had sent several e-mails to which Tara had yet to respond to. She was still so worried about what she was going through that she was avoiding the redhead. It was probably sending the wrong signals that she wanted nothing to do with her. In reality she was hurting inside not communicating back even with all that was going on.

But it was time that she needed. With Willow e-mailing her every day, sometimes twice, it felt like she was being suffocated. It was weird feeling that way while Willow was an ocean away. But that was how she was feeling. How did she explain this without upsetting her girl? Willow's mind needed to be clear and free so that she could learn about magics and how to control the power within. It felt more like she would be a distraction and that Willow too needed the space.

Oh what was she to do? Tara sighed heavily as she reread her e-mail and those that Willow had sent her. She would have to be more careful about what she said. She would one day have to tell her girl the entire truth. Not knowing everything that was going on was not fair to Willow. But what she did not know could not hurt her, right?

()()()()()()()

Willow had refreshed the page so many times that her finger was actually sore from clicking refresh. She knew that Tara was busy with getting over the physical and emotional strain that the redhead had put her through. But you'd think that she would be able to e-mail her at least once a day even if it was just to say hi.

The redhead closed her laptop. It was well into the afternoon. It had been her third day among the coven. Each woman had a strength in her own way and it was amazing to see them in action. Every fiber in her being had wanted to join in with even the simplest of spells. That showed her true lack of control already. But slowly she was getting over that feeling and just watching and absorbing everything that the learned women had to say.

There was one woman that in particular had caught Willow's eye. It was not because she was a redhead like herself. It was not because she was quite a beauty. No one would catch her eye at least not like Tara had in that way. But she had definitely piqued the interest of Willow. Althenea was only a year older than she was yet she was already such an amazing witch. None of the others showed the passion or the control that she had. Perhaps it ran in the blood just like it did in Tara's family.

The most impressive thing had been when Althenea had done was become so in tune with the world around her that she had brought a flower up through the ground that only grew in South Africa. To watch her do it with such ease made Willow jealous. At this point just using magic to float something had an upsetting effect on her so she was doing everything the old fashioned way.

Another of the coven also had caught her eye. The young woman was five years older than she was but seemed like the apprentice witch. No one had said anything but it seemed like at one time the young woman had been the leader of the coven instead of Althenea. Ashley was her name and she had this dark hair that looked almost like raven feathers. Willow had never seen such hazel eyes on anyone well with the exception of an alley cat she had once known.

It was all interesting to see them perform the magic. But it was even more interesting to see them function as a group. She wondered if she would ever be truly a part of the coven or if this was just like a rehab group for her. With only three days under her belt there was not a whole lot that she knew now. She knew that it was only a matter of time before she was one of the coven or at least was able to control herself enough to not be a danger to anyone including herself.

Willow walked over to Giles' phone and picked it up but thought better of it and hung it back of. She sighed once again. All she wanted to do was hear Tara's voice so that she really knew that she was all right. Tara's only e-mail was amazing to say the least. Perhaps her girl was having second thoughts. Maybe not to the point of not wanting to be with her but to the point of wondering just how much she could be trusted.

The redhead could not blame her for that. The flashes of memories that soared through her mind like an endless horrible video made her sick to her stomach. It was making it hard to eat and sometimes to concentrate. The lack of eating was bad but what was worse was the lack of concentration. Even in the simplest of spells any swaying of thought could go very bad.

The witch remembered well how she was just learning to float a pencil when the conversation that she was having with Buffy turned to Faith. It was at a point when Willow still did not trust the slayer and was still jealous of the time that Buffy had been spending with her. The pencil had been floating and slowly spinning in place. After she had been distracted it had begun spinning wildly and had ended up being forced into a nearby tree. Even then she was lucky it had ended up in the tree and not herself, the slayer, or worse an innocent bystander.

Perhaps she should write Tara one last e-mail for a little while. It was not because she wanted nothing to do with her. In fact all she wanted to do was hop on a plane or worse use magic to teleport back to Sunnydale. It was feelings like those that would make her road to recovery that much more difficult. It was hard to admit to herself but she knew it was the truth. If she and Tara were to get better they needed a long time apart.

There was another thought she never had. What if the Powers That Be were only partially punishing for the horrible things she had done. If anyone deserved punishment it was her. What if they were looking out for not only the good of the universe but what was good for her very soul and Tara's? It was a thought that both terrified her and made her feel good at the same time.

It was terrifying because there were these beings out there that had untold power and were controlling her life. It made her feel good because there was someone out there that was simply looking out for her and wanted nothing more than for her to do her best with her life. And it made her feel good because without them she and Tara may not make it fully back.

The what-ifs were now pouring into her brain. What if she and Tara had just tried to go back to the way things were without any break? What if they had not been able to work things out? What if even after a short break they had tried to find one another and it didn't work out? Would Willow have gone all dark and veiny again? Would Tara have been hurt in the aftermath?

These were not thoughts that she wanted to be having. But she knew that she needed to have them. There were so many paths a person could take that the endings were infinite. One wrong step and you could rewrite history or worse be stuck in a reality that was different than the one you knew. She remembered the time that the vampire version of her had escaped her dimension thanks to Anya. That had been a terrifying ordeal as were most of her experiences in Sunnydale.

The best times she had had all surround Tara. True she, Xander and Buffy had had some good times in between their battling evil. But none of them felt as good when Tara was not there. It really had been like she was once a whole person as soon as their hands had met to move the vending machine to keep the Gentlemen from getting them. It had started that quickly.

Looking back on all that had happened the past year, knowing that the Powers That Be knew what they were doing; Willow was finally understanding what she was really doing in England. Of course getting her addiction to the dark magics was a huge priority and at the moment was her number one priority. After all, if she could not do that then she could not begin to rebuild her life with Tara plain and simple.

She smiled to herself as she once again turned on her laptop. It was going to be difficult to write but she knew that Tara would understand what was going on. If anyone in the world knew what she was going through it would be her girl. Together they had faced down many demons including their own inner demons. This was just a greater obstacle for them to overcome.

Dearest Tara,

I know now why you have not responded to my e-mails. Sometimes I can be so self-absorbed that I forget about other people even the person that I love the most. I'm busy going through something big here but I know you are going through something just as big and painful back home. I will continue to e-mail you every day but only once a day. After a couple months maybe then we can instant message each other and maybe video chat. But until then, there is time table. There is only time for healing. There is only time for learning. I will leave you with one last thought. I love you and will always love you. Once we are able to get past our inner demons (mostly my own) we will be stronger people for it and we will be stronger as a couple.

Love always your Willow tree


	3. Chapter 3

Willow was physically and mentally exhausted. They had been studying control the past two days but today had been a day of practice. All she had been allowed to do was to attempt to float feathers and pencils but nothing bigger than those. It had been exhausting because even those simple little spells had triggered something deep within her that she had not realized existed. It terrified her more than ever that such simple spells could lead to that feeling.

After the stories she had heard she was more determined than ever to regain that control she once had had. It still haunted her that she had ever let herself go to a place that was so dark. The others in the coven seemed leery of her all except the head witch Althenea. There was something about her that was different than all the others. Willow could not put her finger on it just yet. But she appeared almost as powerful as the redhead.

The two seemed to have a lot in common. Althenea had once dabbled a little in dark magics as well but soon had given it up. She had been raised around magics and knew of the stories. Still, she had almost given in to the draw that the darkest of forces have. It had taken her years to hone her own skills of self-control ones that she was determined to pass on to the younger generation of witches to come. Willow just was her latest challenge.

The day before the two had shared a picnic after a less grueling day of lessons. It had reminded Willow a bit of the picnics that she and Tara had enjoyed back in Sunnydale. It made the young witch even more homesick. On the other hand it had appeared as if Althenea had quite enjoyed their outing and had even suggested another for today. Something had made Willow say no. There was something just not right about what was going on but she could not be sure yet.

Willow had been extremely tempted to go on the picnic. There was this draw she felt to Althenea. Perhaps it was just that they were the two with the most power of the coven. Perhaps it was the fact that she reminded her a little of Tara. Or it could be that she just missed her girl and was wondering if there was any way that they could patch things up and once again be the Willow and Tara that they had once been.

All these thoughts, along with being so tired, had given the witch a headache. She only wanted to curl up in bed and take a nap if not sleep the entire night away. But she had yet to check her e-mails. She had gotten one from Buffy and one from Xander but she had not gotten any from Tara since she had sent the last one. Even though she had basically said that she was backing off and understood that her girl needed space she had hoped to hear from her by now.

The redhead finally made herself get off from the couch in the living room. She headed first to the kitchen to make herself a cup of relaxing herbal tea. It had been recommended by Althenea to help her keep her focus and calm herself if things got to stressful. Stressful was just a part of life now and had been since Buffy had come to town. Having Tara in her life had taken away a lot of that stress before she had gone all dark haired and veiny.

After having gathered her tea and a few scones to snack on she made her way to the back bedroom. There was a tiny desk next to the bed where her laptop sat. She set her snacks down and booted up her computer. It was near torture to wait for her e-mails to load but finally they did. Her heart skipped a beat as she saw that Tara had e-mailed her.

At first she hesitated to open it. What if Tara had decided she was pushing too much? What if she had decided that she was not pushing enough? This was a fine line that the redhead was walking trying to make everything right between her and the woman that she loved. She took a bit of her scone and she took a sip of her tea before she got the nerve to open the e-mail.

Dearest Willow:

First I want to say I'm sorry that I have not written to you in almost a week. That was unfair to you to let you worry for so long. My mind is racing with all the things that have happened over the past year. I'm still trying to figure out how things went so wrong so fast. I'm trying to figure out how I did not see all the signs of things to come. I'm trying to figure out just who I am without you so that I'll know who we are together when that day happens. I was alone for so long before I met you and I seemingly merged with you. That's not a bad thing really but I think it is the reason I could not see what was going on in front of me. I will always regret not being there for you the way you really needed. I just let things go without even a blink of the eye. I feel I'm almost as responsible for what happened to the gang as you are. If I'd only let myself see what you were going through I might have been able to stop you. Or maybe this is one of the things in life that is fated and could not have been changed. Either way I feel just as responsible for all the harm that came to the innocent people. I want you to know that I'm in touch with the coven almost every day. Althenea has kept me apprised of how you are doing. She seems to truly care about you and what direction your life is going to go in. I too am learning a bit more about the magic in my life. It will help me to be who I am and to help you when the day comes when we are both ready to fully resume this relationship. Yes, we still have a relationship. It's just like we're dating all over again. Though to be honest we never really dated in the first place. Our dates were spells for the most part and I want us to be more than just the magic. I want us to be real and to include magic as well. It's what brought us together in the first place. There is also the thought of the world we live in and just how much magic can help. Sorry if this is so long or wordy I just wanted to make sure you understand how I am feeling and what I want from this relationship. I will always love you and want to make this work but we have to take it slowly and take it one day at a time. I'd like to see you soon. Perhaps we can Skype one another in a week or so. Shall we say we make it our first official date?

Love always your Tara

Willow was ecstatic once she read the e-mail. It was what she had hoped for. She knew that the two were going to have to work things out slowly. Of course a little of her happiness was taken away with the thought of just how much Tara was blaming herself. Had Tara tried she was not sure that she would have listened to her. There was this pull once the dark magic got under your skin. To her it happened the way that it was meant to and that she would have to deal with all the consequences that came her way. Though the e-mail was hopeful, she was just hoping that one of the consequences would not be losing her Tara.

()()()()()()

Tara was back on campus. It felt weird being there especially since classes were not to start for six more weeks. Her mental status was still up in the air as she dealt with so many emotions and with the consequences of her own and Willow's actions. That was why the young woman had decided to come back to where they had first met and where they had spent so many hours performing spells. It was to make herself remember all the good times that they had shared.

The blond was now in the room where they had first laid eyes on one another. She had been the so shy girl that she could not even speak. Willow had been the strong and brave one trying to find someone that knew what real magic was all about. That woman had been amazing and yet even then she sensed that there was real power in Willow a power that scared and intrigued her at the same time.

It was funny how the others had reacted when Willow had asked if they could do a real spell. Something told her that even they, ones that didn't know about real magic, sensed something in Willow. Her girl never thought she had much power or that she was that good but to even innocents that had no clue as to what was really happening in the world they knew. It made Tara think about how blind she had been the entire time they had been together.

But that was not why she had come here. Tara was revisiting the places that had made her who she was. So much of that was now connected with Willow. It seemed like her life had never really began until she met the other witch. At first it was because she had found someone else that knew what real magic was. Her mother and her grandmother had been the only people that she had shared that with. Then there was the woman that would change her life forever.

The person she was before she met Willow had been this shy creature that trusted no one. The only reason that she had gone to the Wicca group was to find someone that just maybe understood and knew what real magic was. Reaching out to anyone else was dangerous especially with her family coming after her at any moment. That was the biggest threat. Trying to live a somewhat normal life and yet avoid anything that would alert her family as to where she was.

This room was the start of her life in so many ways. It was also the room that she had tried to give Willow her grandmother's Doll's Eye crystal. Willow had been sweet not wanting to take something so precious away from her. It made her love her that much more. For Tara it had been love at first sight though had tried to keep that from Willow only because she didn't want her to feel obligated. Of course her girl had agreed to do spells sometime together.

The spells they had done with that crystal and with other things. It had really been the first connection between the two women. Over time it was what kept them together but now was tearing them apart. Magic was a powerful thing especially when in the wrong person's hands. Tara sighed heavily at the thought as she could still see the two of them sitting there so young and innocent. It had only been two years yet they were years younger back then.

One more look and the blond moved on. She still had her key to her old dorm room. She hoped that the college had not changed it. As she turned the key it clicked and she opened the door. This was the room that they had spent so much of their time together. Inside was different now as other occupants had resided her over the past year. No longer were the windows covered nor was it so dark with strings of light as the only light source. It was now painted white and the sun shone brightly through the window.

This was the room where every one of their spells had taken place the second half of freshman year. It made her think about the rose and how haywire it had gone because of Ethan Rayne. It made her think about the time that she had intentionally had the spell not work because she was worried about the demon part of her coming out. Oh how her family had her brainwashed. That thankfully had changed when Willow and the rest of the gang had stood up for her.

Trying to find out who she was was proving harder than she had originally thought. Tara smiled to herself at the thought because in the back of her mind she had not really been anyone before she had met Willow. That's not to say she was a nobody because everyone was an individual even after they entered a relationship. It was just that no one had seen her before Willow had seen her. She had always felt invisible and all alone before they had met.

Partly that was because she had closed herself off and hid as much as she possibly could. The day that she met Willow was the day that she had really started living. Not because she had found the other half of herself which she had, it was because she started to let herself live once again. Because of her they had gone to The Bronze, gone on picnics, and had done what normal people do. It was as if Willow had breathed life in her the day that they met.

Tara continued her little tour of the campus. As she made her way to the room that she and Willow shared during their sophomore year she realized that her headache was nearly gone. Perhaps it was because she was actually out in the world getting fresh air and walking around. This was the first time since she had gotten out of the hospital that she had ventured any further than the back yard at Buffy's house. It felt good to have the sun on her face and it felt good to feel all the memories wash over he.

This room had not seen as many spells as her freshman dorm. That was probably why she liked it better. They had spent so many hours just being a normal couple in this room that it felt like the best place to be. It had seen some good times and it had seen some bad times. She remembered comforting Willow after Joyce had died and Xander putting his fist through the wall. They were all parts of a normal life and though Joyce's death had been painful it had been natural unlike so many they had seen over the years.

Then there was the fight that they had had. It was just after Joyce's death and Buffy had been having trouble dealing with Dawn. Tara understood because of the responsibility that had fallen to her once her mother had died. Though Willow could sympathize she really could not understand truly what the slayer or what Tara had gone through after the deaths of their mother. And that had led to the fight that had led to her getting hurt by Glory.

That fight was the beginning of it all as far as Tara was concerned. Because they had gone separately to the Cultural Fair it had left the young blond vulnerable. Willow had come after her but it was too late. The damage had been done. That was when her girl had sought revenge by delving into the darkest magics around. It was what had started that pull toward the dark side.

Tara shuddered at the thought. The fight had been no one's fault really. It had all been a simple misunderstanding. While Tara had been a little afraid even back then of how much power Willow had inside of her it had turned into something else. It had turned into a fear by Tara that she was losing Willow. That had been the hardest part of all.

The young blond shut the door and began walking back to Buffy's house. She had seen all that she had needed to see. It had been a trip down memory lane trying to figure out who she had been before she and Willow had gotten together and who she was after they were together. Before they had been together she had not been a no one. She had been all alone and closed off from the world. But she had been a someone. Willow had seen who she was deep down inside and let her become the person she was today. While they were together Tara had been a more powerful woman and not in the magical sense though that was true. She had learned to like herself the way she was and be comfortable around other people. It had been a true gift.

Now the two were at a crossroads. It was one that Tara had never thought that they would come to. It would be easy just to keep going down the road together and eventually she knew that would happen. But it was not the right way to do things. To regain the relationship they once had together they had to realize who they were without each other. That way they could make all the pieces fit together once again and be a stronger and healthier couple once again. Time would tell when that happened. Until then, Tara was going to have to learn to live again on her own.


	4. Chapter 4

Willow was leaning up against a tree. Her day of studying had been the hardest yet. She had actually turned back to that thing that had destroyed three lives and had turned her own personal life into shambles. Althenea had said that it was no big deal this setback as she had seen others do the same thing. But she was not others. She was the one that was needed to defend whatever evil was coming. 'From beneath you it devours' was not a highly sought after catch phrase. It was something that was made to terrify people.

It was working as far as the redhead was concerned. What made her even more fearful was the thought that she was more powerful than any other being on earth. But what if this thing was not just of the earth? What if she was not as powerful as Giles and Althenea thought that she was? It was a lot of pressure for any one person to be under.

Perhaps that was why her first attempt with a live chat with Tara had gone so badly. At first things had been just like they had always been if just a little tentative. But things quickly deteriorated into something that was not good for either witch. Tara, who had never really raised her voice, had actually yelled at her. Perhaps they were not destined to be together after all.

That was just the latest heartbreak the thought that she and Tara would not be able to get past this. Not that the redhead could blame the blond. After all she had put her through hell and over such a short period of time. That was a little bit of comfort thinking that it had taken how long for her to do such damage that it would most likely take that long or longer to get over.

Then there was the thought of what if Tara could not get over what she had put her through. Willow had done the most underhanded things imaginable. Deep down she wondered why Tara was even giving her the time of day. It was true they had supposedly worked through some of this but that didn't mean that things could resurface. The smallest of things could retrigger what pain had been inflicted. The worse pain and the hardest to get over was the emotional pain.

Still the conversation she had with her girl, at least she hoped she was still her girl, kept coming back to haunt her. Tara had said, "You have no idea what I went through. You only vaguely remember what happened. To you it was like a dream or like someone else was doing the things you do. For me every time I close my eyes I see you. I see you all dark hair and veins and throwing lightning bolts at your friends and at me. I healed on the outside and physically but inside I don't know if those images will ever go away."

Tears had instantly formed in Willow's eyes as she saw how hurt Tara was. It was true what she had said that her own memories were vague. It was as if someone else had kept hurting the ones that she loved over and over again. What was worse was she had gotten defensive with Tara. No one likes to be reminded of the stupid things they do even if they are the worst things or just slightly annoying. And Tara kept throwing it back in her face just how much pain she had inflicted.

That was not fair either. Tara was not throwing it in her face. She was simply trying to express what she had gone through the best way that she could. It was what needed said so that Tara could heal. But Willow had gone the wrong route and had defended herself to the very end though there really was no defense for what had happened.

Tears were now in Willow's eyes once again. She knew why she had almost lost it in class. At the time she had been distracted by the thought of getting to speak to Tara for the first time live. She would actually be able to see the blue eyes that looked into her very soul. It was killing her to think it but she was now getting more and more certain that she would have to not speak to Tara for a long time.

They could keep in contact via e-mail and maybe instant messages. But seeing each other brought up too much pain for Tara and too much guilt for Willow. Time healed all wounds and this was appearing to be the case for the two young women. Besides, Willow really needed to concentrate on her studies and prepare to travel the road.

There was one thing bothering her about her studies. It could be nothing but somehow she sensed that it was something more. She vowed to discuss the matter with Giles as soon as he was around for more than just a couple hours. It seemed that with all the noise coming from the Hellmouth in Sunnydale the watchers council was on full alert. They were trying to research exactly what it was that they were facing. Having the Powers that Be tell them to gather all the slayers was terrifying.

Willow stood and brushed herself off. She was about to take a step when she heard a familiar voice. "Trying to relax from a stressful day?" Giles was standing smiling at her. He seemed almost like he was proud of her. "I hear tell that things are not going as well with your studies as you'd hope. And I dare say your personal life is coming along slowly as well. Not that that is any of my business."

The redhead smiled sweetly at the older man. In so many ways he had become more of a father to her than her own had ever been. Both her parents had loved her but they had never really formed an attachment to her the way that Giles had. "You could say that things aren't going all that great on all fronts. I wish I could get myself straightened out just like that but I know it takes time. And I'm afraid the personal side of things is going to take much longer than I thought."

Giles came and stood face to face with his young pupil. She had learned so much in such a short time. It was now time that she realized just how much she had learned. "You are being a bit hard on yourself. First off Althenea told me what happened in class. The spell you were attempting is beyond any mere student of the craft. I was surprised that she allowed you to tempt it so soon. And on the other subject I have talked to Buffy a little. Not to but in or tell things I should not but Tara is upset at your conversation. Not so much what was said but how she said it. She feels guilty at how harsh her words were."

Willow smiled sadly. She now knew that Tara was her girl as always. Her girl was even trying to take the blame for the way things had happened. She was so sweet and innocent. Oh how she loved the other witch. "That's just like Tara. She isn't the only one that said things she regrets or how she said them. It was just too soon. I think we were trying to skip some important steps in the process of learning to be together once again. As far as the spell, well, I was just doing what Althenea asked me to do. Speaking of Althenea…"

"Yes, well, there is something I need to discuss with you regarding her." Giles looked away for a moment. He was feeling a bit guilty for not knowing all there was to know about the head of the coven he had chosen for Willow to regain her balance. "I've discovered a few things about Althenea. She too is gay. And from what the other coven members have told me she has a habit of falling for her pupils regardless if they or gay or not. Perhaps we should find you another coven to study with."

The redhead thought for a moment. This was what she had feared. This was what she had inferred from the way that Althenea had spoken to her and the looks the other coven members had been giving her. "I'm not sure. I mean I don't want the added stress of trying to avoid a relationship with someone. I'm all Tara's and plan to be to the day that I die. Yet I have a feeling from what you told me that Althenea really is the best at rehabilitating witches that fall to the dark side. I guess I'm going to try it a little longer. But I'll have to keep my guard up. I hope that doesn't mess with my recovery." Just as important to the redhead was the hope that it didn't interfere with her relationship with Tara.

()()()()()()()

The instant that she had slammed her laptop shut she had regretted it. Tara was crying but there was no reason to have treated Willow the way she had just treated her. True she had hurt her terribly and the pain was lingering, the woman that was before her was a different person now. Willow was facing her own demons and pain.

Buffy had sat with her most of the night. The two had never been close other than the little they had bonded over their mothers' unexpected deaths. While her own mother had been sick for quite some time there was no way to really prepare you for something like that. Those that say you can prepare yourself for something so horrible had never gone through it themselves.

It had only been a day since their conversation. Tara knew that her girl was probably beating herself up over what had been said. Hopefully Giles would let Willow know that she alone was not to blame. They had moved to fast. It was one of those moments when you just want to be kissing the other person. You just want to hold them in your arms like nothing had ever happened.

This was not just a normal breakup however. This involved the world of magic and all the consequences that came with it. It went beyond the physical pain and even beyond the emotional pain as well. The two women shared a bond over the magics. When one of them strayed it was like both of them had. Perhaps that was why Tara had been so upset and wanting to blame the woman that she loved.

The other thing that had disturbed her was the conversation she had with Giles. He had not come out and said but he in his own way had hinted that there was something up with Althenea. It made sense now the way that the other witch had treated her on the phone. All she had asked of the head of the coven was how she could help to support Willow. The other witch had said nothing that she needed to be left alone rather than be distracted by emotions she needed to get control of.

Tara sighed thinking about all that had happened the past year. Willow was not the only one that had changed and was thinking about how she could get back to her old self. That was part of the reason that Tara had gone done memory lane. She was trying to reconnect with the person that she once was. Everyone changes over the years but she hoped to find some of that old girl there.

After thinking of how she had survived alone without Willow for so long and without any friends for that matter she realized just how strong she had once been. The redhead had somehow taken over her life and not necessarily in a bad way. It was just that Tara needed to be an individual so that they once again could be whole as a couple.

There was a knock on the door startling her from her thoughts. She glanced at the clock seeing that it was almost six thirty at night. It was probably Dawnie at the door. She had promised the young teen a night out on the town like they had once upon a time done together. "Come in." Sure enough the teenager with the boundless energy opened the door and smiled at her. "Hey. I'm just about ready to go. It'll be nice to have a night out."

Dawn nodded her head but could sense that Tara was not necessarily being totally truthful with her. Though she had not been told all that was going on she knew that Tara and Willow were having problems reconnecting. Part of her wanted for Tara not to take back the redhead. Of course part of her was still very angry with all the pain that she had inflicted on everyone. "We don't have to go if you don't want to. There are only a couple movies I want to see right now. We could just stay in and make a night of it. Ooo, pizza!"

The excitement in the younger woman's voice made her smile. To still have a zest for life like that would be wonderful. But when you've seen as many dark things as she had over the years it took a toll on you personally. All that had happened with Willow had just magnified all that she had been through. "I'm willing to paint the town red although not literally. We don't need to make this place any more different than it already is."

The younger woman smiled at the older girl. She might be a few years younger than everyone else but she knew when someone was deflecting. What Tara really wanted, she thought, was to go out on the town and to forget about everything that was going on. That was understandable. "All right. Let's get going. I hate to miss the previews."

The two women were on their way back from the movies. It was later than Tara had hoped for. Though it was not a school night this was the Hellmouth. There were too many things that could happen in the little town that would be difficult to explain. Though Dawn chattered on about the movie and how much she enjoyed the nachos, the blond's senses were tingling somehow. There was something going on but she could not place it.

That was when there was a whirl of smoke in front of the two women. Instinctively she placed herself in between Dawn and whatever it was that was about to appear before them. When the smoke cleared a creature stood before them. It had short claws and stumpy arms and legs. It had fangs. In fact it looked very familiar to Tara. There was something from her past that looked very similar to whatever this creature was.

A howl escaped the creature. Slowly Tara and Dawn backed away from the demon. Its nose sniffed a few times as it appeared to be getting its bearings. From the way that it was acting it was just as surprised to be in the park as they were surprised to see it. Another howl escaped the creature as the clouds parted allowing a full moon to come into view.

Tara knew in an instant what kind of creature it was but how to deal with it was another story. The last time that she had faced a creature such as this the Initiative had been there to drug it and take it into custody. The last time it had turned out to be Oz in his werewolf form. "Dawn, we have to move but slowly. You know what this is right?"

Dawn barely managed a yes. She remembered how Oz had been before Willow had fallen for Tara. She remembered him being locked up this time of the month. This may not be Oz but it really didn't matter at this point. All that matter that they were facing a creature that could either tear them to shreds or turn them into a creature such as it.

Another howl escaped the creature as the two young women slowly backed up. Tara's mind was racing trying to figure out something she could do to distract it or to stun it. Her mind was unfortunately a blank. "Dawnie!" She screamed as she shoved the teen out of the way. Tara could feel her flesh tear as the creature leapt on her. She yelped in pain and it didn't take long for the darkness to overtake her.


	5. Chapter 5

Althenea had protested very loudly. It had made the entire coven very uncomfortable at just how vehemently the head witch had opposed Willow's proposed leave of absence. It was true that the redhead had been struggling the past few sessions with her control but this was something that had not been foreseen. There was no way that any of them could have foretold that Tara would be hurt so badly and would be in the hospital once again.

The argument between Althenea and Willow had made the one that the redhead previously had with the blond witch pale in comparison. Giles had to be called and was the one to step in between the two dueling witches. It was a dangerous position to say the least but he stood his ground as he had done with Buffy several times over the year. To the chagrin of Althenea he had agreed that these were extenuating circumstances and therefore her leaving for a week was for the best.

As much as she had fought for it, Willow was still terrified of seeing Tara face to face. They had fought just by Skyping one another. Now they were going to be in the same room as one another. Still if it was as bad as Willow had been told by Buffy than she needed to be there. Her fear was not the death of Tara so much as what if she had been infected in some way. From what Dawn and Tara had managed to tell them it sounded just like a werewolf attack.

Since Oz had left Willow had rarely thought of werewolves. That had been in her past the minute that he had drove off. Her present and her future was only that of Tara and saving the world. Before she had left she had gathered every bit of information that Giles had on werewolves or creatures that were similar to werewolves. Her greatest fear was that it was some kind of shape shifter and would be difficult to identify. Part of her wanted revenge but she knew where that path could lead to.

The plane trip seemed to take forever. It helped that she was preoccupied with what she was going to say to her girl. Their argument was just the latest thing that she had to apologize for. It seemed like she needed to apologize for the past year and a half of her life. There were blips of good times but recently it had been mostly dark rather than light. She knew in her heart that it was entirely her fault. Tara tried her best to deal with all the things that happened but to no avail.

Willow cursed herself, well not literally. That was one of the lessons that Giles was teaching her. He was supposed to be just observing but she knew that when he said certain things and in certain ways that there was really a message behind his actual words. The biggest lesson that she needed to learn besides the obvious control was the fact that she had to let go of the past. If one simply dwells on the past they will never be able to get over it. And if one cannot get over the past then they will never truly be happy.

As with life practicing what one preaches is easier said than done. Even if she were to somehow balance things out and make good on her evil ways she would always contain the guilt deep inside her. It really did not matter that all three of her victims were either somewhat evil or really evil. All that did matter was that she had done some horrible things that could not be undone. Time was the only thing that would someday make it bearable to live with.

Willow's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the captain's voice telling them that they were nearing the tiny airport of Sunnydale. It was funny how in just a few short years Sunnydale had gone from a one Starbucks town to one that had a college, a huge mall, and its own small airport. Perhaps if the evil set was allowed to run the economy then things would not be so bad nowadays.

The witch quickly packed away her books and made sure her seatbelt was buckled. Though she was sure that someone was going to be there to pick her up she was not sure whom it would exactly be. She was hoping that it would be Buffy. The slayer and her girl had become somewhat close ever since things had happened. She was glad that Tara had someone that understood at least a little that was going on.

Willow waited until all of the other passengers had departed the plane before she slowly followed after them. She scanned the terminal but there was no sign of anyone. It hurt that no one would be able to take the time to come and pick her up from the airport. But that was to be expected. Even after sending a few e-mails back and forth seeing her in person was another thing.

The redhead made her way to the bathroom to freshen up a bit before she returned to the terminal. There was still no sign of anyone. She got out her cell phone and tried dialing the house. For some reason she had no service on her phone. That puzzled her even more. Usually the cell phone had great reception in the little town of Sunnydale.

The witch found the payphones. Luckily she had some change in her pocket that was from America. The phone rang and rang but never went through. It was odd how it did not even go to the answering machine. She hung up the receiver and made her way to the luggage claim. She had packed fairly light which seeing no one had been there to greet her she was grateful for.

Finally she made it to the front entrance of the airport. She flagged down a cab and was on her way to the slayer's house. It was already past ten at night and did not want to disturb Tara at the hospital. The best thing would be to get with the gang, take a quick shower and then have a long night's sleep. When she got to the house there were no lights on and that made her wonder. She knocked on the door but there was no answer.

Still having the key to the house on her keychain she opened the front door and let herself in. She heard a noise upstairs and took off. There was no one at all anywhere upstairs so she took a quick shower and made her way back down the stairs. She picked up the phone and tried to call first Buffy's cell phone and then Xander's. There was still no service on her cell phone. Both phones rang and rang but did not even go to voicemail.

Something was going on but she could not place exactly what it was. She knew that it was early in England but she had to call Giles and see if he knew what was going on. All she got was the message that he was in with the Watcher's Council and they could not be disturbed for the rest of the day. She gave both Buffy's house number and her own cell number.

At this point she was totally exhausted and curled up on the sofa. It did not take long for her to fall fast asleep. Her dreams were disturbed with the thought that she was responsible for everything going on. Tara was hurt because of her and now everyone that she loved wanted nothing to do with her. It made for her sleep to be restless but sleep she kept until morning.

Once morning came she quickly searched the house. It was a Monday morning and Dawn should have been there for sure. Thoroughly she searched the house trying to find any sign of her friends. When she found none she decided a walk was the best thing for her. Slowly she made her way toward the hospital hoping to find all of her friends there. When she walked in it was as if she were invisible. It took several moments to get the nurses attention. She was told that her girl was in room 1232 on the second floor.

A quick trip up and she was standing outside the room. She had her hand on the handle for several moments before she could will herself to open it up. Finally she got up the nerve. When she got inside the curtain was open and revealed an empty bed. She heard a cough from behind the other curtain and called out. "Excuse me I hope I'm not disturbing you. I'm a friend of the young woman that is your roommate. Do you know where she is?"

The female voice was raspy as it spoke. "Haven't seen her since they took her for tests at around seven this morning. Now leave me alone I'm trying to sleep!" Willow sighed and made her way to the door. She looked back at the bed and then out into the hallway. Finally she made her way to the nurses' station and once again had trouble getting someone's attention. Finally she was told that Tara should be in her room and if was not they had no idea where she was.

Willow moved quickly back to the room from where she had just left. Again there was just an empty bed and now the sound of snoring. The redhead was not sure what she should do. If Tara was undergoing more test who knew when she would return. The fact that she still had not seen any of the Scoobies made her want to search for them as well. Oh how she wished her cell phone was working! Finally she decided to just stay in the room for a little while hoping that someone would show up.

()()()()()()()()

Buffy, Xander and Dawn all stood at the terminal. The slayer had called to confirm with Giles when exactly it was that Willow was to arrive. When they got there they were notified that there had been a slight delay due to the weather in England. They had waited an extra hour until the plane was announced. They had stood watching as the entire plane was emptied.

After another hour of waiting for any sign of their friend Buffy sighed. "Well, maybe she got cold feet. Maybe we missed her and she is on her way home." The other two simply looked at her. "I know what we are all thinking. It must be difficult to come home and face what you've done. But she was making progress enough so that Giles agreed to allow her to come back to see Tara. Even after their argument I don't think Willow would have bailed like this."

The group began walking toward the bathrooms. "I've got to go before we leave." Dawn made her way alone into the bathroom. She could swear that she heard a familiar voice in echoing. But after she was done she made sure that no one else was in the bathroom with her. It was really something else because she could have sworn that Willow was in there with her. After she found the other two she said, "Don't think I'm crazy but I swear I heard Willow in the bathroom. But there was no one else in there. I checked!"

Xander looked at the younger Summers and then the older one. "You don't think that she did a spell to make us think she was here. I mean, what would that get her?" He looked concerned because he, as had the others, had seen firsthand what his best friend was capable of. "Then there is the possibility that she got cold feet and never got on the plane. What did Giles say when you talked to him Buff?"

Buffy began walking as she talked. The first place she wanted to go was the hospital to see if Tara was all right. It was past visiting hours but that had not stopped her in the past. "He said that he dropped her off at the airport himself. But he never walked her to the gate so it is very possible that she doubled back after he left. You're right when she has got to be terrified of facing everyone. I mean we sorta talked with her before she left and we have kept up with e-mails. But Tara is hurt and it could push her over the edge."

Dawn was the next to speak up. Even with her long legs she was having trouble keeping up with her big sister. "We have to get a hold of Giles. I think he's in Watcher meetings all day today. We can always leave a message though." She was worried more than the others. Willow was close to Buffy and Xander. Though they had become friends over the years and especially after her mother's death it was not the same as what the three shared. If anyone was in danger she feared it would be her.

Xander was almost out of breath because the slayer was walking so fast. He could not blame her. She was worried about what could happen. Being the slayer she took it upon herself when bad things happened. Though she had been dealing with returning from the dead he knew that she blamed herself for Willow going rogue. "I say we check at the hospital and then back at your house. If we can't find her there I'll look all over town for her and you get a hold of Giles no matter what."

After talking to the nurse at the check-in station they found that there had been someone there to visit Tara. But the nurse almost seemed like she had only a partial memory of the visitor almost like her mind had been messed with somehow. That sent the three into more of a panic mode thinking that Willow had indeed shown up. The other scenario was just as bad as perhaps whatever it was that had attacked her had shown up to finish the job.

Buffy was the first to make it to Tara's room. The room was dark and it was hard to see. Luckily she had her slayer eyesight to help her see that there were only two occupants of the room. Tara was sound asleep in her bed and there was a nasty wheezing sound coming from behind the curtain next to her. The blond witch must be under heavy sedation to sleep through sounds like those.

The slayer met her friends out in the hallway. "She's not here. Tara seems fine." She sighed heavily not knowing what to do. "I hate to say it but I almost wish Spike were here. We need someone that can take care of themselves to watch over Tara. Of course he would blend in so easily." She could not help the twinge she felt when she said his name. The others had not known about how she had used the bleach blond vampire to feel anything after she had first been brought back. It was not something she was proud of. "Let's get back to the house. We can call Giles and see if he knows anything."

The pair was off back to Xander's car. They drove in silence as each of their individual fears were building up inside. None of them had ever suspected that Willow would become as powerful as she had. It was not because she had been the innocent girl growing up or the mousy one that Cordelia had loved to torment. It was because they knew her and how good a person she was deep down inside and how all she had ever wanted was to be the best person she could be.

When they got back home, Xander made his way to the back of the house. Dawn ran up the stairs tripping and nearly falling back down. She made a terrible thump when she landed at the top of the stairs. Buffy had been right behind her and had been the one that caught her and almost threw her through the bedroom door. "That hurt!"

Buffy laughed a little. "Would have hurt a lot more had I let you fall down the stairs now wouldn't?" That was when she felt it. It was almost there was a small open window because breeze gently blew by her. There was also a familiar smell in the air but it could not be. After all, Willow was still nowhere to be found.

That was when both young women heard the bathroom door go shut. They stood tentatively outside trying to figure out how the door had shut. A few seconds later they heard the water in the shower begin to run. Both young women looked at each other a bit of fear in both their eyes. It was Buffy that slowly opened the door.

"Hello?" The slayer called not sure if she actually wanted to hear a response or not. When the shower turned off she opened the curtain. There was no one there. The water had been running but there was no one there now. The slayer was more than confused but this was not all that important. Finding Willow was their primary concern at the moment. "Must have left the water on. If we get a big water bill I'm going to take it out of your allowance."

Dawn only looked at her sister in disbelief. How could she actually just be letting this go? There had definitely been something in the bathroom that neither of them could see. What if it had been Willow and she had teleported away out of fear of seeing them? "Sure. You don't even give me an allowance." The former key seemed to be pouting. "Giles?"

Buffy nodded. "Giles." The two girls made their way into Buffy's room. The slayer picked up the phone and dial. There were beeps like someone else was on the line. She put receiver back down and waited a minute before picking it up again. This time she was able to get a dial tone. It was just another thing for her to file in the weird department.

Unlike Willow she had been able to get a hold of Giles. "No, I have not heard from her since I dropped her off at the airport." He mentally scolded himself for being so lazy. There was just so much going on at the Watcher's Council trying to find out what this new big bad was that he had not followed through as he should have. "I do have a message that she called. But it does not say where she was calling from. All it just has her cell phone number listed." It would figure that the secretary would not get that exactly right.

"Well, if you do hear from her let us know. Something is wrong, Giles. My spider senses are tingling." Buffy hated to think the worst of her friend but after the past few months. "I'm not saying she would do anything on purpose but what if she lost control? You told me she's had a little trouble with that especially after she and Tara had that argument."

"Yes, but I also have seen more progress than I could have hoped for." The watcher sounded a bit defensive. He did not mean to it was just things were happening that he was reluctant to tell Buffy about especially now that Willow was MIA. "I'll have the coven try a locator spell on her. That's about all I can do from this end. You will have to do the grunt work as always."

"As always." Buffy hesitated for just a moment. "Thanks Giles. I miss you." He returned the sentiment before hanging up. "Well, that does it. We have set up search parties of sorts. But first we all need to get a good night's sleep. Xander, you crash on the couch. I'll check once more around the house before I turn in. Dawn, you've got school. No buts either. I know you want to help but we need it too look like everything is all right."

The slayer slowly made her way around the house. Xander was already snoring away when she got back in the house. Dawn was not sleeping but she was in bed. The blond made her way to her room. She got on her laptop and checked her e-mails. It was silly to think that Willow would leave a note but she hoped beyond hope.

Her heart skipped a beat when she did have an e-mail from Willow. It had been sent shortly after they got back from the hospital. It said that she was trying to find everyone but could not even find Tara in the hospital. The slayer went into panic mode. If Willow was in town was this some kind of sick warning that she was up to her old tricks? Or was it that that Willow was the one in trouble and she was reaching out for help.


	6. Chapter 6

Willow was now beyond worried. It was past visiting hours to start and no one had shown up. Worse, Tara had yet to return from the supposedly routine tests that she had gone for. Her girl's grumpy roommate had not been at all cooperative once again and no one was picking up their phones including Giles. The redhead really was clueless as what to do.

There had been the rumblings of the big bad that 'from beneath you it devours' but there had, at least to her knowledge, been no more signs. Of course with her attempt at recovery, Giles and the rest of the gang could be trying to keep things from her. But what would be so grave that it would hurt her chances at recovery?

The witch had wandered the hallways of the hospital trying to find any signs of her girl or the gang. It was as if they had disappeared off from the face of the earth. That was increasing her worry not that it was not at an all-time high. Somehow she had lost track of where she was and somehow she had made it to the creepy basement.

Luckily she realized that it was not the morgue. Though she had her fair share of encounters with the dead and the undead she was not ready nor in the mood to have yet another. That was when she heard a sound coming from around the corner. It was dark so she tempted fate and used the incantation that Tara had taught her.

A tiny little light that looked like a small flashlight to anyone not looking closely illuminated the dark hallway. Willow jumped back when something jumped from around the corner. She was shocked to see a familiar face. "Well, well, well. Look what the cat dragged in." The bleach blond vampire sounded like his old self. But there was something different about him that the witch could not quite place.

"Spike!" Willow was actually glad to see him in a way. At least with this vampire she knew that he was already neutered. Well he was unless heaven forbid something happened to the chip in his brain. "What on earth are you doing crawling around the basements of the hospital?" She shined the light more on his face to see if she could see what it was that was different about him.

The vampire put his hand up to shield the light away. He turned away from her and mumbled something under his breath. It had sounded like "you look amazing pet." But the vampire would never say anything like that to her. He smiled almost like he was embarrassed before turning his full attention back to her. "Oh, the witch is around. But she can't be seen. She's hiding where I'm hiding. Now where can that be?"

Willow was now getting scared as well as annoyed. "Spike, what are you talking about?" She took a few tentative steps toward the vampire. "I'm not hiding anywhere. I'm looking for Tara and the rest of the gang. I got here last night but no one was at the airport to meet me. Do you know where anyone is?" Her heart was skipping a beat as she was now convinced something bad was going on.

"True you are here. But where is here?" Spike looked at her with a smile upon his face like he was enjoying this very much. "Is this Sunnydale?" He took one lone step toward the witch. "Or is this simply hell?" He began to laugh like he was not in his right mind. Something made him turn back to the other hallway. Again his voice was so low that she could only guess at what he was saying. "Yes, she's here. We are all here. And here is where we are going to meet our fate."

With that last incoherent statement he took off past her. Willow turned and ran after the vampire but he was gone in an instant. She stopped to catch her breath and to gather where she really was. Finally she made her way up to the main level of the hospital. Once again she asked the nurse about Tara and was told that she had been released an hour before. When she asked why she had not been notified no one there even knew who she was yet they had been the ones she was talking to all morning long.

Willow was a more than upset now. Between Spike's incoherent ramblings and the fact that nobody saw fit to pick her up and now to just take Tara home without telling her it was getting to be too much. She could feel the anger growing inside herself and that would not do. Before she went home she had to somehow calm herself down so that she could be in the best state of mind when she saw her girl. The last thing that she wanted was for more arguments between the two women.

The redhead sat at the little coffee shop. It was a place that she and Tara had spent some of their time together. It was not exactly their spot but it was someplace that seemed important to her. It was also a place that she and Buffy had gotten all sugared up on mochas. It had been forever since either had taken the time to do that.

But that was all in the past. What was important was what was going on now. How was she to find anyone if they, as it appeared to her, did not want to be found? That was when a familiar voice startled the redhead out of her thoughts. "There you are!" Anya came bounding up with a coffee of some kind in hand. "Everyone is looking for you! It's like they expect you to try and destroy the world once again."

"Everyone is looking for me?" Willow looked confused. "I've been looking for everyone! I've tried calling everyone cell phones, home phones and Giles! But it's like everyone has disappeared off from the face of the earth. The very least any of them could do was to pick me up at the airport. I waited for what seemed like forever for anyone to show."

Now it was the ex-demon's turn to look confused. "I don't know what you are on or what spell you are trying to perform but no one including myself has received any calls from you." Anya pulled out her phone to prove that there were no calls from Willow even missed. "Tara is at Buffy's house with Dawn while everyone else is out looking for you. I got tired and really didn't care so I decided to get a coffee before going back to The Magic Box. After all I can't afford to have it shut down any longer. Time is money."

It was typical Anya way of thinking. Still she was not making sense. How could everyone be looking for her? How was it they missed each other at the airport? None of this was making sense. Gee, it really made her feel like she was back in Sunnydale. After all her teen years never made sense because of all the demons lurking around every corner. "Well, I was trying to think of where to go next. If Dawn really is alone with Tara I better go there. Neither of them can really protect themselves. Tell Buffy to that I'll meet her at her house."

"I'm not your messenger service." Anya stared at the witch. When she got that pouty look she sighed and gave in. "Fine. When I get to work I'll call the house. But that's all I'm doing. Anything else would distract me from the making of money. And since I'm not a full-fledged demon anymore it means I need to make money to live."

"Thanks, Anya." Willow rolled her eyes at the thought of just how capitalist that the ex-demon had become. Still she wondered what it was the Xander saw in his girlfriend. But she was not one to judge not with what she had done in the past. As fast as she could go she made her way to the place she had called home for the past couple year.

She knocked on the door but no one answered. Slowly she opened the door. There were noises coming from the upstairs so quietly she made her way up the stairs. The door to the bedroom she shared with Tara was slightly open so she stood out in the hallway and listened. There were no voices only the sounds of typing on a computer.

Willow opened the door. The computer was on and the keyboard seemed to be moving all by itself. The redhead slowly entered. Again there were sounds of movement but no one was there. "Tara?" She was not sure why she tried but she could actually sense that her girl was in the room with her. Slowly she made it into the room and sat on the edge of the bed. "Tara sweetie is that you?" But there was no response. It must be all in her imagination. She just must want so badly to see her that she must be imagining it all. But what Anya had said. What was going on?

()()()()()()()

"Where could she be?" Buffy was on the phone with Giles. The watcher had spoken to his staff. No one remembered talking to Willow personally yet there was a message from her that she had arrived and that she could not find any of the gang. "We looked all over Sunnydale. About the only place we really haven't searched is the hospital. Tara is coming home this morning so we can get her settled in and go back out."

"Do you really think it wise to leave Tara alone with the uncertainty of Willow and this new evil lurking?" Giles was worried too. But it was not for the same reasons that Buffy was worried. He knew that though she was reluctant to admit it, she was most worried that Willow had once again gone rogue. What had the watcher worried was the fact that the coven could not locate the witch. Even the most powerful of seekers could not sense her anywhere. He was more afraid something had happened to the young redhead than she had done something bad.

"Well, I'm going to leave Dawn with her." When Buffy heard the catch on the other end of the line she quickly continued. "Plus though she is far from one hundred percent Tara is going to do some protection spells on the house. I know it's not the same as having me around but it's the best that we can do right now. We are a witch down. One that went totally badass on us. So unless you have any other suggestions…"

Giles sighed into the phone. The coven had no suggestions neither did any of his counterparts. A witch had not gone this far out of bounds in centuries. Though Althenea proclaimed to know how bad things could be she had not seen the evilest witch to ever live. "I' afraid I have nothing to suggest. Just please do be careful and let me know as soon as you hear anything. Be safe."

"Thanks, Giles. You too." Buff hung up the phone. Her mind was racing wonder exactly what Willow was up to. If she had turned back to the dark side it would be bad. Not just because she was the most powerful adversary she had ever faced but because they knew each other intimately. That made it harder to fight someone when they knew all of your moves.

It was not long before they had Dawn and Tara settled back at the house. The younger of the two had locked herself in her room. The former key had not confided in anyone but Willow terrified her. She was not sure if she could ever bring herself to trust her ever again. It had been hard enough to trust Angel once he had gotten his soul back. This was different. Willow had been like a mother to her after both her mom and Buffy had died. To have been nearly killed by her…

Tara was settled nicely in her room. She had been given her laptop where she was researching away. There was something going on and it was not just another day in Sunnydale. If the witch let herself go it was like she could sense that Willow was indeed back in town. She had not told Buffy out of fear that the slayer would do something rash. That might be a mistake but she still loved Willow and had to protect her if she could.

Buffy and Xander had made their way back to the hospital. It was the second most likely place that Willow would be if she really was back in town. Anya had decided that enough of the searching and she was off back to making money. In a way it was better. The ex-demon seemed more likely to complain than she was to actually help.

They started at Tara's room and made their way to the basement. It was unlikely that Willow would stray too far from Tara's room but they had no choice at the moment. The slayer pulled out her flashlight. There was a figure at the end of the hallway. It was one that was very familiar. Though she had not told anyone it was one that she knew intimately.

"Spike?" Buffy whispered at first. Xander was right on her heels. "Let's go slowly. I haven't seen him in a while and I don't know what he's been up to. Stay back and let me do all the talking. I mean it. Don't say a word." As they came up on vampire he was looking down the other hallway and said something about what the cat dragged in. "Spike?"

The vampire held up his hand as if he were shielding his eyes from something. "My, my you do looking amazing pet. The years have been good to you." Spike then turned back to the other hallway. It was as if something far more interesting was keeping his attention away from the slayer's. Something was really different about him but the slayer had more important things to concern herself with.

"How long have you been down here?" Buffy took a step forward. When she got no response she continued. "We are looking for Willow." She saw a little glimmer in his eyes but could not get what it meant. "She's supposed to be here but no one can find her. We're worried that something has happened to her or she is going to do something. Do you know anything?"

Spike smiled and said, "Oh, the witch is around. But she can't be seen. She's hiding where I'm hiding. Now where can that be?" It was as if the vampire was putting on some kind of show and enjoying it a great deal. He kept his gaze steady on the redhead. It was as if he was afraid to look at the slayer. In truth it was more than fear that was motivating the vampire.

Buffy was now getting agitated. She had no time for a vampire that was going to play games. "Spike, if you don't want to tell me what you want to know. You are here in the basement of the hospital so does that mean that's where she is?" The slayer really was not expecting an answer but was going to try and humor him a bit to try and get some information.

"True you are here. But where is here?" Spike looked at her with a smile upon his face like he was enjoying this very much. "Is this Sunnydale?" He took one lone step down the opposite hallway. "Or is this simply hell?" He began to laugh like he was not in his right mind. Something made him turn back toward Buffy. Again his voice was so low but with her slayer hearing it was no problem hearing him. "Yes, she's here. We are all here. And here is where we are going to meet our fate."

"Spike, what are you talking about? Are you insane?" With that, Spike ran off down the opposite hallway. Part of her wanted to run after the vampire. But she had bigger fish to fry at the moment. "Let's get out of the basement and back to the house. Something is telling me that we need to go there and fast. We'll worry about Spike later."

Back at the house Tara was still tapping away on her computer. She thought she heard the steps creak but Dawn was still in her room. Trying to convince herself that she heard nothing she continued typing. It was an e-mail to Willow though she was not even sure where her girl was. That was when the door opened even more. It could be just a draft but then the house had never been drafty before.

The blond stopped typing away and instead looked at the door. There was a familiar feel in the air. It was almost like she could hear Willow calling her name. A bit of panic arouse in her as she saw the side of the bed slide down. That was when she did hear Willow calling her name. "Willow?" There was the faintest outline of the woman that she loved. "Are you really there?"

Willow had tears in her eyes. Finally someone was hearing her! Of course it would be her Tara. "I'm here, baby. I don't know what's going on. I can just barely see you. It's like you're starting to come back from being totally invisible. Or is it me that was invisible? I don't know anymore. I just thought you were gone and I'd never see you again."

Finally Tara was able to see Willow fully in the flesh. She slid her laptop to the side. "Oh sweetie, I thought I was going insane. I could hear you and could smell you. I missed you so much!" It was not long before the two were in a tight embrace. They were sharing little kisses and just holding one another. For the moment the past year of ugliness was forgotten as was their most recent argument. For now they were simply two women in love that had missed each other like they missed their own breath.


	7. Chapter 7

Willow and Tara were snuggled up with one another on the bed by the time that Buffy and Xander had returned to the house. The slayer was still wondering what exactly was up with Spike. He had never been her favorite but he was acting strange even for him. Of course the slayer had bigger fish to fry. When she quietly made her way up the stairs she was still under the impression that Willow was a big time no show and had her concerned.

First she checked on Dawn. The former key was still in her room. It appeared she was doing something on the internet. It would figure at least one in the Summer's family would have book smarts. Buffy had learned a lot that was not in the books not even the ones that Giles kept in England. Some of those books she had completely rewritten with her unorthodox style of slaying. In some ways she knew it infuriated her watcher and in others made him proud.

Both Xander and Buffy made their way to a mostly open door that was now Tara's room. They opened it all the way to see that both witches were fast asleep on the bed. They looked so wonderful wrapped in one another's arms. But that small part of the slayer knew that there could be more to it than appeared. She motioned to Xander to stay back while she entered the room. With caution she made her way to the bed.

Again she hated to wake them up but what if? What if Willow had done her disappearing act so that she could get to Tara and make sure that her girlfriend was on her side? How she hated herself for having to think such things but she was the slayer. She never had the luxury of giving someone the benefit of the doubt. It her line of work she always had to think the worst until it was proven otherwise.

Willow was startled awake by the movement she heard. It was a strange thing that she had picked up since going all evil. It was almost like she had some slayer like qualities about herself. Perhaps it was just more of an awareness of her surroundings. In magic knowing what was around you and what was in your future could mean the difference between life and death. In her case it was also a part of her training to keep herself from falling back into the trap that dark magics presented themselves.

Instantly she put up her hand ready to do a protection spell. Since having made herself disappear she knew she had to be careful with the magic. But she also knew of the new big bad in town and wanted to be prepared to defend herself. When she saw Buffy standing there she began to relax and even put her hand down. Luckily Tara had not awakened after her sudden movements. Carefully she got out of bed and walked out to the hallway with Buffy. Her first instinct was to hug both Xander and Buffy but the looks on their faces told her they were not sure they could trust her. "I'm sorry."

Buffy was not sure what to think. Her best friend had already apologized more than once for harming them. "What is the apology for?" The slayer had not meant for her tone to be so sharp but she was getting frustrated with not knowing what had happened. Already there was this big bad out to get them she was not sure she could handle an attack from an unknown and one from her best friend.

"It was my fault." Willow looked down at the floor. Her control was extremely lacking and she only had a few more weeks to train with the coven. There was a slight problem with going back there. As much as she liked Althenea as a person it was obvious that she wanted more than Willow had to offer. If there was one thing she was sure of in the world it was that her heart belonged to Tara and no one else. It never ever would. "I made myself nonexistent to an extent. I existed in the world but only on a very basic level. That was why I could not call you both or Giles and even when people that never met me I appeared almost like a shadow. It was almost like I was a dream to them. As far as Spike and Anya I think it was because they were a demon at one time or another."

Xander raised his eyebrows at the mention of Anya. Their relationship had been going all right but something had changed in his girlfriend. He had even decided to propose to her but was putting it off because something was off with her. But right now his best friend was more important than his own struggling love life. "I hate to say this, Will, but how can we trust that what you are saying is true? I love you and always will but your record over the past year is not one to be trusted."

Willow remained looking at the wall or floor or anywhere besides looking at her two best friends. She was not sure she was strong enough to handle the questions and accusations that were sure to come in the unknown future. That was the hardest thing of all. Though she was now supposedly the most powerful magical creature on earth she was not sure how strong she was as a human being. "I have no way of proving myself at the moment. I know my track record is not the greatest as of late and it'll take a lot of time to get that trust back. Heck, I'm not even sure if what I said is actually what happened. All I know is that it's what makes the most sense to me."

Buffy eyed her friend. It was hard to trust her and even harder to believe her because she could not even look them in the eye. Of course that was most likely just because it was hard for her to look at them after knowing all the physical and emotional pain that she had inflicted on them. Still, she had to be sure that she could trust the witch. But how? "It does make sense, I'll give you that. What has Tara got to say about this?" If anyone would know if Willow was telling the truth or not it would have to be the blond witch.

"Well, you can ask her for yourself but not until she wakes up." Willow finally looked up at her friends. There was a defiance in her eyes. The one thing she would not allow was for Tara to be hurt any more than she was. Though she had a mission to start soon heaven help anyone that hurt her girl. She would track them down and turn them into the catch of the day. The witch took a deep breath as she could feel the power building up inside of herself. It was not the good kind of power either. She closed her eyes and managed to find her center of balance. "Sorry. I'm very protective of her after what I've done to her. I just know that she needs her sleep to get better. When she wakes up feel free to ask her whatever it is you need to ensure yourself that I am telling the truth. Until then, I'm going to be with her. We'll let you know when you can talk to her."

Without letting either Buffy or Xander say a word she quickly made her way back into the bedroom. She quietly closed the door and said a small spell under her breath. They would not be able to hear if either the slayer or Xander knocked. And the spell was powerful enough that not even Buffy could break the door down. Perhaps she was going overboard with the protection but she wanted her time with Tara and wanted nothing to get in the way of her recovery.

Willow curled back up with Tara on the bed. She was careful not to wake her girl. They stayed like that for several hours before finally the blond witch woke up. At first it was just like old times waking up in the arms of the woman that she loved. But all the memories came flooding back and she knew that as good as this felt it was not like it used to be. "Hey." It was a simple statement but it was all that she could manage.

"Hey." Willow knew this had to be a little confusing. The concussion would play havoc on her memory but not enough to make her forget the horrible things that she had done. "First I want to say that I'm sorry. I think I'm the one that basically put a spell on us all so that I didn't really exist. It's just a guess and maybe you have a better explanation. Trust me when I say that Buffy and Xander are waiting impatiently to find out the truth from you."

"They don't believe you?" Tara was not really surprised. Buffy was the slayer and had to believe the worst just to survive. In Xander's case he loved Willow and had been friends with her since they were just little. The betrayal that she had committed would not be easy for any of them to get over. "Give me your hand." Willow obliged but a little unwillingly. It was not because she was afraid of the truth. She was more afraid of the emotions that would stir inside of her. "I will always know."

Willow swallowed hard. Her breathing was picking up. Again it was not because Tara was actually probing her mind and her heart. It was because the physical contact that she had not had with her girl in such a long time. They had kissed and hugged before she left but it had not been like before. With their hands touching it reminded her of the very first time that they had held hands. It had been to save their lives but had been the beginning of so much more. "I want you to. I don't want to hide anything anymore. I just want to be honest even if it's hard to share or will be hard to know."

"Shhh." Tara squeezed her hand gently. The sparks that had flown between them that very first night were nothing compared to the ones that were flying now. "I've done something that I should have asked permission for." The blond looked away for a moment before turning back to look into emerald eyes. "I connected us. We won't be able to hear each other's thoughts all the time but when we touch we will know what the other is feeling. I believe that while we are apart we will be able to feel how each other is doing. I just wanted to reconnect to you. To tell you the truth, I didn't even mean to."

The redhead smiled a bit at the last statement. She could feel the love flowing through Tara for her. Even after all she had done and all that they had been through together the two young witches loved each other. There was and would always be this connection between the two women. This latest little bit of magic would only enhance that connection that they already had. "I guess we both have to work on control. I'm working on my control now. And I don't mean my magical control either."

The blond knew exactly what Willow was talking about. Feeling Willow's breath on her neck, inhaling the scent that she knew so well, and the touch that she had craved more than anything in the world was making it hard for her to keep her own control. Perhaps that's why she had done the connection spell. Perhaps she wanted that feeling so badly that she just had to have it. "I never claimed to be perfect. I only claimed to love you." In an instant she felt something else. It was the guilt that Willow was feeling. "Don't…"

"I'm sorry." Willow was beginning to feel like she had to put that on a tape recorder. She had known for a long time that she would be saying she was sorry a lot. "Hearing you say how much you love me and feeling it makes me think about all the things that I've done to you. It makes me wonder how you could love me even after I tried to kill you not once but twice. I then tortured you for weeks on end. I've inflicted so much pain that I never thought that you could truly love me again or that you should love me again."

"Silly girl." Tara was the one that made the move to kiss Willow gently on the lips. "I know you deep down inside. You are not as weak as you make yourself out to be. What happened could have happened to anyone even me. I had an advantage growing up around magics. You only learned of them later in life. It all hit you at once and when the darker magics crept in it was hard to fight them off. I was tempted once upon a time. I'm not perfect."

"You are to me." Willow wanted nothing more than to kiss Tara again. Because their hands were still locked she could feel that her girl felt the same way. But they had to talk. They only had a few more days left in the visit. Talking was the most important thing. There was also the fact that they had to find out what had attacked Tara but that was for another day. Today was about them. "I know I'm being hard on myself. Giles has said that too. But when you've killed people and tortured the ones that you love there is just so much that you have to make up for."

Tara could not resist anymore. She kissed Willow with a passion that neither had felt in years. It reminded them both of the very first night that they had spent together. The lights had gone out and they had shared a wonderful night of truly getting to know one another. Willow wanted nothing more to continue the make out session but she knew that her girl was not physically up to it. There was also the fact that Buffy and Xander were just outside the door still trying to get in.

"I know." It was with a breathlessness that Tara spoke. "I know we can't do this right now. There is still so much we have to work through. And I know what you did to Buffy and Xander." She smiled a mischievous smile at her girlfriend. "If it were time I would be taking full advantage of that. But we have to let them know that you are telling the truth and then we have to figure out what it was that attacked me." She kissed Willow with the same amount of passion. "We will talk about things before you leave. It won't be settled by then but I want there to be as little for us to get past. I want us to be the couple we were before all this happened."

Willow returned the kiss with one of her own. She then sighed heavily as she waved her hand in the air. The door instantly opened and Buffy was standing there looking at both witches. Xander was nowhere to be seen. The slayer was out of breath and sweating. She had been pounding on the door nonstop. "You two have a lot of explaining to do. What was it with locking us out?"

There was a noise from the window. Everyone turned to see Xander standing on a ladder knocking on the window. Willow quickly got up and opened the window. "I thought you were afraid of heights?" The redhead had a mischievous look on her face one that was not appreciated by her friend. Quickly she helped Xander into the room where he collapsed onto the chair by the window. "Sorry. I shouldn't have locked you guys out and made you worry. I just wanted my time alone with Tara."

Buffy came and stood between Willow and Tara. "So that you could brain wash her?" The slayer glared at her best friend. "Will, you really aren't using the best of judgment as of late. How am I supposed to believe anything that either of you say right now?" The slayer was now beyond mad. Her first instincts to forgive her friend were quickly being taken over by fear that she had not really changed as much as she claimed to have.

Tara slid across the bed and sat on the edge. She gently forced Buffy to look her in the eyes. "I agree that Willow was not thinking straight. She should have talked to you before she went and locked us away. I, if you choose to believe she did something so that you never have to wonder what Willow's intentions are. I will always know if she is telling the truth or not. We've reconnected and I know that what she told you is the truth. She never meant to cast the spell. It was out of fear that none of us would be able to forgive her."

Buffy looked skeptical. After all this could actually be reverse. It could be that Willow had performed a spell on Tara. With magic things were so uncertain and her best friend now had a criminal record of sorts. It was going to be a long time before the slayer actually fully trusted her. "I guess I'll give you the benefit of the doubt but only for now. I'm more concerned with what attacked you. It could have gone after Dawn but seemed to be fixed on you and only you."

Tara nodded. "I've got a few theories about that." The entire gang raised their eyebrows questioning what the blond was thinking. "I have to talk more with Willow and I have to talk with Giles. If it's what I think it is then things are going to get very interesting very soon. Not that they aren't already." Tara smiled at Willow. Though they were not physically touching she knew that Willow was getting a sense of what she was thinking.

"All I know is that I don't want to climb anymore ladders." Xander stood up and made his way to his best friend. "And I don't want to wake up and find I'm being held captive by my best friend. That would not even be a fantasy if it involved Anya." All three women shot him a look. "I know too much information. Guess I got that from hanging around my girl too much."

Willow actually laughed a small laugh. Overall it had been a good day. But there was still so far to go. She finally had established that reconnection that she so desperately wanted with Tara. Her friends were at least talking to her albeit she could sense that neither Xander nor Buffy really trusted her as of yet. So again overall it had been a good day. But if what Tara was thinking was true then things indeed would never be the same again. And the redhead wondered if she would be able to fully recover.


	8. Chapter 8

Willow felt almost at home here in The Magic Box. She and Tara sat next to each other while it seemed Xander and Buffy were keeping their distance on the opposite side of the big round table where they had done research many times over the years at least since Giles had bought it not so long ago. Anya seemed to want to keep her distance as well as she kept looking up from the counter. It appeared she was only looking busy and more afraid of what the redhead would do. Dawn was at school and hopefully safe at the moment.

In some ways it felt so right. But she knew that it was all smoke screens at the moment. Buffy and Xander were not as forgiving or trusting as Tara was. There was no need to even guess at how Anya felt. That was why the two witches had come up with this little ruse. They wanted things to appear as normal as possible while they smoked out the one that had so terribly hurt Tara. Willow knew it would take all her control not to go all dark Willow on the person they suspected was behind the latest attack.

They sat in silence going over one book after another. While Buffy and Xander were looking for demons that could have done the damage to Tara the two witches were working a little spell. At first when Tara had suggested the whole ruse Willow had hesitated if only because of her constant fear that she would never have enough control to do magic again. That fear was strong even though she knew Tara would be there for her the entire time.

Unbeknownst to everyone, the two witches were keeping physical contact with one another under the table. It was the way that they could keep up the spell without having to actually chant out loud. Willow kept her eye on Anya. As much as she loathed the ex-demon a part of her wanted to be wrong about what she and her girl were thinking. After all, there was this knew evil lurking around every corner. Why could it not be It that was behind things?

From what little they knew of this new evil, which was very little, it was not fully capable of inflicting harm Itself. That however did not mean that it would not use agents of darkness to get the job done. Some evil beings will jump on whatever bandwagon just to prove their street cred. Then there are those that try and take over by themselves. Whether they are follower or leader evil is evil and the good fight was on once again for the Scooby gang.

The phone rang and everyone jumped even the slayer. Anya answered it. Without even saying to words she looked at Willow and handed her the phone. The witch hated to stop the spell but most likely the call was from Giles. "Hey Giles! Did you and the coven come up with anything about what we talked about?" She listened intently for a few moments. "That's what I thought. Thanks for the research on your end. I'll see you in a few days." She handed the phone back to Anya and returned to the table. "Well, they have discovered what the big bad is."

Tara raised an eyebrow before their touch resumed under the table. In an instant the blond knew what the redhead knew. She kept her face looking the way it had. The longer that the rest of the gang was in the dark unfortunately the better on this particular case. "Sweetie, don't keep us hanging. What did Giles have to say exactly?"

Willow smiled at the word 'Sweetie'. Though it was true that Tara called most everyone sweetie it still made her heart skip a beat to hear her voice say it and in the tone she had. They still had so far to go at mending their relationship and yet they had come so far. "Well, it's worse than we thought. The new big bad is the actual 'First'." She looked at the slayer to see if there were any bells or whistles going off. "Giles said you faced it down a couple of years ago when Angel was still in town."

Buffy looked confused at first but then it all came flooding back. "I remember. It was that Christmas when we had snow. The First had been trying to get Angel to kill me to have him return back to his evil self. He had been tormented by people of his past. When Angel could not handle the images that he had received he had decided to let the sun do him in. Instead we had that freak snowstorm and he was saved. It was almost like a higher power had intervened and saved him."

"Giles said that there wasn't much about The First in the Watchers' diaries." Willow could feel Anya staring at her. She was still not sure if it was because as they suspected or that fear of being hurt once again. "All they know is that it's the ultimate bad. It is what evil is made of. There is something about how it cannot take corporal form. That would mean that it could not actually touch anyone living. That does not mean that it does not have a big influence on individuals."

"That sounds just silly to me." Everyone turned to look at Anya. She was looking nervous and guilty at the same time. "I mean an ultimate evil that can't touch you?" It was as if she could not look any of them in the face as she started to go through the sales in the draw as she continued to speak. "What good is any king of evil being if it cannot actually hurt someone? I mean, true it can probably influence demons err people or whatever but still…"

"An, is there something wrong?" Xander stood up and slowly made his way toward his girlfriend. The ring that he had hoped to give her as an engagement ring was in his front pocket. He had planned on asking her after Willow had gone back to England and things had hopefully settled down. "I hate to say this as I am your loving boyfriend but you are acting a little more you than normal. Is there something you want to share with the class?"

Willow could feel it coming the second that Xander had gotten done speaking. She pulled Tara along and they stood in front of Xander and Buffy. That was when Anya turned all demony right in front of their eyes. It was something none of them had actually seen before and it shocked each and every one of them. In an instant Buffy was standing beside Willow. Though she was not a magical creature she was of course the slayer and could hopefully hold her own.

Xander was the first to actually gain his speech after the shock of seeing his girlfriend all demony like. "I kept asking if there was something wrong." He tried to go around the three ladies protecting him but there was a protection spell that he ran into. "You kept saying that you were just distracted by the pressure of running The Magic Box all on your own. I even hinted that I wanted to marry you and you just kept saying that there wasn't enough money. This is the reason? You went back to your old ways?"

Anya let out an evil laugh. It sent shivers up and down the redhead's spine. She was sure that even Buffy was a little scared at the moment. This was turning into what she had feared most. It reminded her of how Xander had described coming face to face with the vampire version of Jessie. "You really never knew what was going on did you?" She tried to teleport herself so that she was in front of the group but the protection spell knocked her back. "You really are just a simpering little man. I had thought that you were my salvation. And then when Willow had gone on her rage I wanted revenge. I came across one of my old friends. Though she usually specialized in the revenge of children she took my case on. It was too bad that somehow you have this divine protection now witch." She was glaring at Willow. "I would have loved it to be you that got hurt. Had to settle for hurting you in any way I could."

Willow's hair darkened for a moment before she managed to keep her control. It had been torture trying to keep her composure since both witches had suspected that it was Anya that had been behind the attack. "You wanted to hurt me which I get. But why go after Tara? Yes she means everything to me but why hurt someone that's only been there for you over the years. She's never hurt anyone unlike me. Or is it that you are not demon enough to go after me yourself?"

Anya's eyes flashed red at the last comment. But she soon seemed to recover as she began to smile at the witch. "My friend said you were good too good to go after head on. At first I disagreed but then I remembered all the things you put us through even the one that you supposedly loved more than life itself. If you can nearly drive your woman insane and try to kill her not once but twice that is someone you want to take the high road with. Besides, you all in the Scooby gang never really accepted me. All of you just thought of me as Xander's odd girlfriend. None of you took me seriously even my own boyfriend. So yes, I came after Tara. I would have kept going down the line had you not discovered what I was up to."

Buffy was now getting a little more than pissed. Were all of her friends going insane? First Willow attempted to kill everyone and now Anya was trying to exact revenge against Tara for something that Willow had done? "That's enough." Buffy's eyes flashed lightening she was so upset. "You are just a selfish bitch! I always thought that you were simply using Xander to adjust to not being a demon. The first chance that you get you jump at the chance to become a demon again. That puts you on your side and us on the other. Get ready for a smack down!"

Xander did manage to break through the trio. Fortunately he did not break the protection spell that the two witches were continuing to provide. "Wait! Timeout!" Xander looked at the three women that were protecting him. Buffy was always protecting him. Tara was always taking care of him. Willow was his best friend who had just tortured him but she had been addicted to the dark magics. He knew deep down that she was still Willow. He then turned to his girlfriend. "You are doing this all just because Willow was a human being and got caught up in something stronger than she could handle? You return to being someone that actually maims and kills? How is that any better?"

Anya looked him straight in the eye. "It is better because those that I hurt or are hurt because of my actions deserve what they are getting." Finally she managed to walk closer to the quartet that used to be her friends. "I don't inflict pain and suffering just because I've gone over the deep end and feel like hurting anyone that I choose to. What I do makes a difference in the world. If there were more vengeance demons out there people would think a lot harder about the consequences of their actions."

This made the carpenter laugh. "An, hun are you even listening to yourself?" She glared at him and he knew that the look meant she was in no mood to be patronized. Even as a demon she had that look down pat. "Think about what you just said. True people would be terrified of the consequences should they hurt someone. But what about accidents? What about when no matter what you do someone is going to get hurt? Things are not black and white as you'd like them to be. And you say innocents don't get hurt? What about Tara? What has she ever personally done to you or anyone for that matter?"

The demon could not keep her gaze steady on him. His words were harder to handle then she had anticipated. But being a demon felt so right. She was even stronger than she had been before. D'Hoffryn had granted her with special powers because he had missed her so much in the fold. And yet those powers had been nothing compared to whatever it was that was protecting Willow. "Revenge is not a perfect science and it is true that innocents do get hurt. But if acts of stupidity were reduced then so would innocents getting hurt. As for Tara, she knew what Willow was capable of. She just never told anyone of her fears."

That made Tara blush a little as everyone's attention shifted for a moment onto the blond witch. It took all of her being not to stutter as she had before. "I-I…" She swallowed hard feeling the guilt rush over her. "It's true that I thought that Willow was going to be extremely powerful one day. But not even I could imagine that she would be so powerful that in a blink of an eye she could destroy the world. I'm sorry to you all that I was not more forthcoming with my opinion but I was trying to do my best to handle the situation on my own."

"Exactly." Everyone turned back to Anya. "That is everyone's problem around here. We all bottle things up and don't let anyone know what is going on until it is too late. Well, I was not about to be hurt again whether it be by a boyfriend who refused to commit or by some wacko witch that could easily kill me just by thinking it. True she could still take me out but it will be a lot more interesting with all the powers that I have gained!"

"It's the same kind of power I had." Willow surprised Anya and everyone else by her answer. She kept her emerald green eyes focused directly in the demon's dark ones. "Do you really think that this darkness that D'Hoffryn gave you is any different from what was flowing through my veins? Is it any different than that that I stole from Rack when I took his life? The only difference I see is that it isn't as strong and it isn't as addicting. But yet, it still has the same basic effect on you as it did me."

"I'm no killer!" Anya stood tall. She was building up the power she had trying to break through whatever barrier that the witches were blocking her with. "I in all my time as a demon have never personally killed someone. It is true that the spells I have performed have caused others to maim and kill but that is not my fault."

Willow smiled now. She remembered telling herself some of the same things. Like how she had not been at fault but that she was not a killer. If it wasn't I that had put a spell on Tara that hurt her or actually filleted Warren then who? "You can lie to yourself all right but we'll know the truth or at least I will. The evil that is inside of you is now stronger than the humanity that once grew inside you. If you continue down this path you will end up like I was or worse. It's your decision, Anya."

Anya looked at the Scoobies and only smiled. "You act as if that was a tough decision." In the blink of an eye she had teleported to places unknown. She left a little surprise behind her as smoke started to flare up from the spot that she stood on. In a matter of seconds flames were shooting out of the floor. As much as the human Anya had loved money and capitalism the demon Anya was that much stronger. The gang ran outside just as the flames began to leap for the ceiling.

"I didn't think she would ever do this." Xander stared at the burning building. There were sirens coming from all directions in a moment and the gang had to get out of dodge fast. Finally they were all sitting around the Summers' living room. Willow was wrapped protectively around Tara on the couch. "I thought she knew." He was staring at the little box in his hand. They all figured what it was but he had not said anything. "I was going to ask her after Willow went back to England." He sighed heavily and repeated in a whisper, "I thought she knew."

Willow smiled sadly and sighed before saying, "That's the problem with relationships. You assume the other person knows how you are feeling. You assume the other person wants the exact same things that you want. But in the end no one but that person knows what they truly want. If you don't say what is on your mind then things will keep going the same way and in some cases that means they will end in disaster. Tara and I are proof of that. Had we talked more about the real issues then maybe just maybe I would not have gone all dark haired and veiny. And then again maybe in our case it happened the way that it was meant to happen. Either way I'm sorry. I can only imagine the pain you are going through."

"I understand." Buffy reflected on her failed attempts at happiness. Riley had been the one that had the most chance of actually surviving. But in the end she too had held things back and their relationship could never recover. "I too am guilty of not being as open and honest with everyone in my life." She hesitated a moment. Dawn was especially interested in what her big sister had to say. "I was pulled out of heaven."

It was as if the ceiling had caved down on everyone. None of them knew how to respond to what Buffy had just said. Willow being dark had been the biggest thing that had happened to the Scooby gang. Now it was raining shocking discoveries. Anya was a demon and lost for the moment. Buffy had been in a good place and should have stayed there. What was the next thing that was going to shock them? Who was going to be the next one to shock all of them? Only time would tell.


End file.
